Same Sex Life Commitments

It has been "too" long since I have produced a blog post.  I wish to memorialize some thoughts about a topic that will continue to frustrate many, for many more years to come: Same Sex Marriage.

I do not profess to fully understand homosexuality, its causes, or most of the implications for life that this life-trait of a significant number of people, creates.  I do believe that those that identify with this lifestyle are part of God's creation and deserve to be respected and treated with the same loving kindness that any other human being should receive.  I have several gay friends, some of which are willing to share their life challenges with me as a trusted friend.  I am very much a heterosexual and I am secure in that identity; I am not threatened by the fact that some homosexual friends are willing to share their life experiences with me on a deeper level than that of a simple acquaintance.

I am a pretty faithful Christian, who considers The Bible as the fully true, inspired word of God.  I do struggle to understand the very strident anti-homosexual references of some portions of scripture.  I have decided that the truth my faith leads me to believe is in The Bible, is more complex than the simple, direct, literal, words recorded.  In addition, the universal, clearly stated, biblical truth of caring for your neighbor as yourself, easily trumps the localized criticism of homosexuality passages in The Bible.

This blog is not intended to be a discourse of acceptance or rejection of homosexuality; that is a topic that will be debated for a long time.  I wrote the paragraphs above simply to record some background of my stance, so that a clearer understanding of what I intend to write below can be achieved.  My stance is somewhat different than either "positive" or "negative", and I wish to avoid folks placing me automatically in an "anti-homosexual" position.

This blog was written to express thoughts about "Same Sex Unions ("Marriage")"

I believe:

1. The desire for a homosexual couple to live in a committed, (hopefully) lifelong, faithful, monogamous, relationship should be encouraged, honored, and supported by society.
   
2. The same legal formation of an entity recognized and registered by the states and federal governments as traditional marriage between a man and a woman should be performed.
   
3. The same life-partner benefits extended to marriage partners should be granted to identically bonded homosexual couples.  This means the same insurance, tax, corporate, estate, etc. benefits, with no restrictions or exclusions.
   
4. Matching and equivalent cultural celebrations of the couple formation should be observed.  It carries equal meaning and joy and should be celebrated.
   
5. While the ideal environment to raise a child is in a nurturing, loving, child cherishing, home that includes an attentive Mother AND an attentive Father, homosexual couples should be granted full parental rights, should they choose to raise children.  It is possible for a homosexual household to be a better environment for child rearing than some heterosexual households. (I also admire and honor single parents who do their best to provide an excellent child rearing environment in their homes.  While the best environment includes a Mom and a Dad, it is possible for a single parent home to be a better child rearing environment than some "traditional marriage" homes.
   
6.  Dissolution of a homosexual couple's union/legal entity should be performed in a manner that matches a marital divorce.  Same process, same results; sad when it happens, but necessary because "people" are involved......
   
7. Match the union of a heterosexual couple in every manner.....except NOT be labeled: "Marriage".  (I am fine with our culture coming up with a new word whose definition means the committed, legal, bonding of two same sex lives.  I don't yet have that term to suggest, and I encourage some public creativity/debate on what that term might be.)

So, why do I have a problem with a same-sex union being labeled "A Marriage"?

There have been significant and numerous cultural or societal reductions in the sanctity, support, and recognitions of  "Marriage".  These changes have been incremental, have occurred over numerous decades, and weren't necessarily of malicious intent.  However, the loss of support for "Marriage" has had no counterbalancing acts that uplift and provide positive support to a relationship structure that in my opinion is necessary for a healthy, long term, societal structure.  I believe our culture needs strong marriages, and we as a culture need to make a stance that says: "We want strong marriages in our culture, and we are willing to encourage their formation and longevity."

I am not saying that same sex unions are not good for our society, or that they directly destroy marriages.  I AM saying that calling them "A Marriage" is just one more step towards diminishing the importance/uniqueness of "Marriage".

There have been many cultural shifts that effectively diminish the importance/uniqueness of "Marriage":

• The sexual revolution where non-marital sex is accepted and encouraged
  
• Intentional choice to remain single when pregnancy occurs.  Some women have multiple children, each with a different Father (actually, a more accurate term would be sperm donor; these type of men are not performing the duty of a "Father".  Another topic for another blog post, later....)
  
• Celebrities who are idolized for having children out of wedlock
  
• Marriage being portrayed as "old fashioned" or as the source of ridicule by the entertainment industry
  
• "No Fault" divorce. While "No Fault" divorce laws ended the tyranny of being required to continue to exist (barely survive?) in a terrible marriage, they created another tyranny of not needing to be responsible how you conduct yourself in your Marriage.   It is now too easy to escape your presumed commitment, with no consequences.
  
• Except for religious institutions, who pretty much DO support strong Marriages, our culture has provided very little support or encouragement for building strong Marriages.

Thus my desire for change in the same-sex union debate is small, might be considered petty by some, but is at least one small step towards changing the trend towards De-emphasizing strong Marriage.  I simply wish to find some way we can encourage rather than diminish Marriage- a lifelong union of a man and a woman.

I fully support lifelong unions of same sex couples, I just want to use another name for their union.  Their union is no worse or better than that of a heterosexual couple; it IS different, and I would like to have a different label.

Some Grieving Thoughts

Dad....I miss you.

COR Dream the Future Thoughts

19 September 2010

After considerable thought and discussion,Sandy and I recently decided to change Faith Communities, and joined The Methodist Church of the Resurrection  (COR) in Leawood, KS.  We decided to move our membership to COR on 29 Aug 2010.

This 17,500 member congregation has been a significant change for both of us.  The scale of EVERYTHING related to “church” has just been magnified by more than 50 times.....  We left a congregation where we knew almost every person, and have been immersed in a congregation where we know almost no one.

The church was started in1990 with 4 people and has grown exponentially.  This fall, the church is celebrating its 20th anniversary by attempting to eliminate its capital debt by a special fund-raising campaign.  It is also encouraging people to dream what the next 20 years at COR may entail.  Certainly, the 4 original members had no idea that COR would be like it is today when they started a church in 1990.  It is also very difficult to see what the next 20 years will involve.  One thing I think is universally true: 20 years from now, our world will have changed considerably, and COR will need to change considerably if it is going to continue to thrive.

What will change in the next 20 years?  Technology will have continued to develop in an ever increasing rate.  Most forms of energy will have become very expensive.  (Controlled Nuclear Fusion could reverse this trend.....let’s hope!)   Social problems that have vexed our society and world for millennia will........ probably be the same.   I would like to believe we will have solved some of them, but social problems seem to also evolve as we try to address them.  Moving targets are more difficult to hit.....    

I would love to live in a world where dogmatic fundamentalism will have been finally exposed for what it is: a security blanket for people so they don’t have to think, OR, an effective and intentional control mechanism that adherents use to control followers.  However, it is because a large number of people in the United States choose to follow semi-blindly rather than spend the effort at thinking about their lives, those leaders who espouse fundamentalism will be able to continue controlling the “non-thinkers”.

Bio-engineering is now in its early, formative stage, preparing to make significant impacts on society.  It will also produce some new ethics challenges: How much control should humans exert over natural life?  Is it Okay to create new or modify existing life forms just because you have the ability? What do we do with our experimental mistakes?  The church will be pressed to address these and other new ethics problems in the next twenty years. Just like all other tools of significant power, bio-engineering will have the ability to be a formidable asset AND liability.

Electronic technology will continue to develop at an even more increasing rate.  Personal Digital Assistants have evolved into smart phones, that will evolve into even more powerful computing resources that are ubiquitous and always present, ON the individual, maybe even IN the individual.  While still considered too “over-the-top”, the insertion of Radio Frequency IDentification chips beneath the skin of individuals could be common in the future.  I have read magazine articles telling me how to implement under skin RFID chips to allow specially designed computers to recognize the RFID carrying individual and automatically obtain password credentials form the RFID.  It is common practice now to insert RFID chips in our pets so that they may be identified at veterinary offices when the pet wanders off and becomes lost.

Similarly nano-technology is nascent. We could be swallowing pills, or receiving injections, of nano-robotic machines that travel through our bodies delivering medicines to specific internal body sites, or performing even mechanical repairs using nano-tools.  How could this affect the church?  I don’t know, but who would have thought in 1990 everyone in a worship service would have powerful computers capable of communicating with GPS satellites in their pockets and purses?!

I think social norms will also continue to change.  Some of these changes may be good, but generally, there will be problems for the church to deal with the changes.  If you had conjectured with church attenders in the 1950’s that in 2010, people would regularly attend church wearing athletic shorts and T-shirts to listen to rock-themed worship music played on electric guitars, they would have thought you were crazy.  Today, that type of dress and music is exactly what draws some previously un-churched people to worship!  However, the church must also find a balance in not abandoning more traditional worshipers.  In addition, there needs to be some balance in the church influencing society and not just being influenced by society.

When asked by my Pastor to dream about the next twenty years at COR, here are a few of the thoughts I contemplated:

•  Charging stations for electric cars that are parked during Worship Services. (This could also be a source of revenue…..) 
• The ability to register your attendance using your phone, PDA, or your IDD (Internal Digital Device) eliminating current manual data entry.   
• The ability to transfer funds from your bank account(s) to COR’s account(s) in real time during a worship service, from your smart phone, thus eliminating manual data entry and a great deal of the Church’s bookkeeping  function.
• 3D projection of video content
• Assistive technologies for the blind and hearing impaired. (BTW: Why doesn’t COR have sign language interpreters for the hearing impaired now?)
• Greater challenges discerning the eternal truths of scripture from culture-of-the-time norms that no longer apply.  This may develop into needing to operate as more than one church: those that wish to stick to traditional beliefs and those that want to change with societal changes.  The challenge of homosexual inclusion is only the beginning.
• Dealing with an older average age congregation. 
• Dealing with individuals and the general concept of bio-engineered body parts.  It could be that actual identity confirmation will be difficult because people will be able to completely modify their appearance and body capabilities, like youthfulness appearance. 
• Assimilation of even a greater number of faltering/failing UMC congregations 
• The establishment of an internet “country code” for people who have one phone number, and it is a voice over IP phone number.  They may then receive phone calls from any phone on earth. 
• Maybe not in 20 years, but maybe in 20 years after that, there will be regular COR-Lunar or COR-Mars worship services! 
• Perhaps in 20 years there will be less need to physically travel to a specific geographic location to participate in small groups, rehearsals, or even worship services.  The “church building” may be wherever each of its members and visitors are at the time.  Attendance might be virtual, with participants from all over the world participating interactively at the “worship site” just as if they were physically there.  It may be possible to even “shake hands” and otherwise “feel-the- presence” of the other participants even though they might be several thousand miles away. 
• Even though these imaginative dreams might actually happen, it is also very likely that the age old problems of humanity will still be daily challenges to overcome.  People will still misunderstand communications.  People will still have difficulty treating others in a manner they would like to be treated.  Sin will still separate us from right relationship with God.  We will still need to recognize our sinful state, repent, seek forgiveness, and be thankful for God’s unfathomable grace…….  I look forward to the future!

Grace Thoughts

The following letter was sent to my faith community, Indian Heights United Methodist Church, shortly after recovering from robot assisted surgery to remove my cancerous prostate gland. Some experiences shortly after surgery had a profound impact on me, and I wanted to share the experience, and be thankful, with my fellow "Christ followers".

The letter found its way into our church newsletter and was well received. Over the following weeks a number of church members related to me how much the letter meant to them. I wanted to memorialize the letter before I lost it or forgot what I had said. Consequently, it appears below:

************************************
18 June 2010


Dear Friends at IHUMC,

I have recently been blessed by your loving kindness while I was hospitalized and during my recovery at home. The phone calls, get well cards, visits, and provided meal for my family, were very comforting and certainly expressed your care for me in a powerful manner. I also coveted and enjoyed your prayer support; your messages were communicated to me by the Holy Spirit on multiple occasions. I am very fortunate to live in such a loving community of believers.

I want to share with you an experience I had on the Sunday following my surgery. While thinking about the events of recent weeks I was overwhelmed by the application of a mountain of Grace. Over a matter of a few minutes I recognized I was so very fortunate to have been given:

• Modern technology that permits early detection and low-invasive surgical removal of cancer.
• Due to the advances in robot assisted surgery, a comparatively easy recuperation.
• Physicians, both primary care and urologic specialists, who are not only very talented women, but also compassionate in their work.
• The ability to have health insurance so that I can afford the good care.
• A job where I can take time to be sick, be healed, recuperate and not be penalized for needing the time to heal me.
• Caring work associates who can pick up my share of work while I am recuperating.
• Clients who understand my need to be healed and are patient while I take the time away from their needs.
• An incredible wife, who can continue to operate our business, our household, take care of my parents, babysit our grandson, prepare meals, deal with a flooded basement, prepare for VBS, and STILL provide loving care in excess of what I need.
• A loving daughter that happily augments Sandy's care.
• IHUMC friends who will send me cards of encouragement, visit, and help with whatever I have asked them to do.
• But most importantly, I was reminded,......powerfully...... that God loves me, and because of his undeserved grace, I have a ransomed soul.

I discussed with both Rev. Cheryl and Betty B. the way that IHUMC has supported me and my family can only be described as a modern day miracle: The miracle of Christian fellowship. Unless a person is involved in a Christian community like IHUMC, he/she simply can't recognize the value of that support.

Thank you for so many examples of "miracle working" over recent weeks. I am positive I am unable to express fully how much your prayers and support meant to me.

Blessed by Grace,

Mark Campbell
**********************************

I still feel very fortunate. I AM having to deal with some expected and normal side effects of radical prostate surgery, such as incontinence and impotence. The incontinence has already improved significantly. The impotence...... well no progress, yet. I am told to be patient; it may take up to a year for some of the damaged nerves to heal. It is also possible the side effect may be permanent. I certainly hope that possibility does NOT become true. Regardless of the side effects, I remain thankful to live in these times and to have received the continuing opportunities of a rather normal life, post-cancer.

Subsequent to my surgery, two friends, one from church and one from Optimist club have been diagnosed with prostate cancer and are facing similar surgery decisions. I hope and pray their passage through this life changing challenge is as good as mine.

Grace. The unmerited good will delivered in small, and sometimes great, ways. It is a very deep concept to think about. My thoughts return to the grace I receive on a daily basis. I hope these thoughts help me be more of a grace "agent" to those around me.

Shower Thoughts

In what environment do you solve problems the best? Work? Home? Your desk? In bed?(!)

I have found that the most productive place for me to come up with innovative, or at least good, solutions to problems that are vexxing me is........ in the shower! Multiple times I have been pondering a problem for which I have no solution, or solutions already considered just don't seem to be satisfactory. Not intending to actually take a shower to solve the problem, many times a great solution comes to me while I am in the sower stall, at home.

This amuses me to no end. What about the shower environment causes my thought processes to enter a better problem solving state of mind? Humidity? Warm water caressing my head? "Coming clean"? A psychological return to my embryonic start of life? Who knows! I am very happy with the solutions that have been an epiphany in the shower. Certainly, I have a plethora of other problems that have had no shower solution; it does not work on command, unfortunately. However, there have been enough problems solved while showering that I look forward to the next time it DOES happen!

I am also amused that other people have related to me, unprompted, that they solved a particular problem while taking a shower. My attorney/friend/client, Jeff R., related to me just this past week that he realized an important fact in a case while he was taking his morning shower. We compared notes and found that the experience is common for both of us.

How about you? Have you solved knotty problems while taking a shower? Is there another place or activity that is an uncanny solution source for you? Please tell me about it.

Problem solving in the shower. You might agree that this is a good place for solving problems. On the other hand, you may think this idea is all wet....... You may be right!

Life Changing Thoughts

On Wednesday 31 March 2010 Sandy and I met with Dr. Susan Sweat to review my prostate biopsy results. The needle biopsy samples were taken on Thursday 25 March 2010 using Trans-Rectal Ultrasound guided method.

The pathologist analyses revealed that 2 out of 12 samples contained adenocarcinoma (cancer) cells, and one tumor appeared to be 1 mm across while one appeared to be 0.3 mm across. The Gleason score for each sample was reported as 6 (possible scores range from 2 to 10). The Gleason score is am indication of the aggressiveness of the cancer.

Adenocarcinoma is the most common form of prostate cancer. We appear to be catching the cancer at an early stage.

My PSA scores had been: 4.5 in May 2009, 5 in July 2009, 7 in October 2009, and 6.8 in February 2010. It was not only the elevated PSA, but also the rate of change with time that indicated a biopsy was necessary.

We discussed several treatment options with Dr. Sweat. We have planned to perform a robot assisted prostatectomy in early June 2010, so that some already planned activities (trip to Phoenix/Prescott, AZ) could be completed before surgery.

Dr. Sweat discussed the potential side effects with us. All of the normal concerns about surgical procedures apply to this planned surgery. In addition, there are also possible side effects of impotence and incontinence. Both of these are pretty big negatives to me. Dr. Sweat indicated that the side effects would be less likely because of my age, but more likely because of my over-weight. Consequently, I am on an even more intense program of weight control and improved fitness.

I have also decided to delay telling my parents about the diagnosis and planned surgery until mid-May 2010, hoping to spare them more weeks of fretting about the conditions and plans.

Update 2 April 2010

The doctor’s office called today to schedule the surgery. I will be admitted into Shawnee Mission Medical Center on 8 June 2010 to have surgery via Robot Assisted laparoscopic surgery late morning. I will stay at least one night, maybe two. I will have a catheter in place for about two weeks while my urethra re-attaches to my bladder.

This event has reminded me of my mortality and the importance of maintaining one's health. I have been instructed by Dr. Sweat that I would recover better and have a lower chance of side effects if I were in better shape. Thus I have made an internal commitment to concentrate on improving my fitness before 8 June 2010.

This has been a tough year for me, healthwise: diagnosed as having sleep apnea in Spring 2009 and starting CPAP machine use nightly, diagnosed as diabetic in June 2009 and changing diet and exercise to respond to that challenge, an elevated PSA level started my march toward prostate cancer surgery, a kidney stone in October 2009, and now prostate cancer and taking action to minimize the chances of it killing me. It has not been easy on Sandy, either. Her first husband died of cancer when he was 56 turning 57. My prognosis is very good, but the similarities are disconcerting. She also feels that I do not take good enough care of my health, and my health problems DO affect her.

It is (past) time for me to change the direction of my overall health. I will try to post some positive news about my fitness level before June!

Soulmate Thoughts

What I think she wants: A semi-platonic, semi-cooperative, semi-coexistence of Independent Lives

What I want: Always working towards: Soulmates Sharing A Cherished Life-Adventure Together

Just what are soulmates? There are many definitions, none seem to be the “standard” or “authoritative”. Consequently, I will define what I mean when I use the term soulmate. It will be lengthy and probably somewhat unusual, because I want to eventually use the single word to communicate a large group of words, actions, and feelings.

Before I discuss my definition of soulmate and explain why I so deeply wish for a soulmate relationship, I need to dispel some expected criticism. Later, when I discuss the deep understanding and common mind thinking that I desire, I do not intend to say that fusion of selves is what is desired. A common psychological theory considers that many relationships in low functioning populations tend to fuse personalities into a common, or group, mentality. I am NOT promoting fusion, or group think, or the blind submission of one self in a relationship to the other self or selves in a relationship. My desired relationship maintains the sanctity of self, grows the self, and ends up developing stronger selves, not diminishing any individual’s self. Psychological Fusion, or sacrifice of self is NOT the objective of my hoped for soulmate relationship. However, complete bi-directional understanding of partners and intentional interdependence in a two way relationship IS a desired outcome of being soulmates.

In my ideal soulmate relationship, both individuals are self strong and growing. They do not require the partner to complete them, but recognize that the partner helps them be more than they could be by themselves. Synergy, wherein the union of the partnership is greater than the sum of the two individuals, is a natural outcome of my desired soulmate relationship.

The concept of twin flames, or reincarnation, or sharing lives together from previous lives, or finding the long lost ultra-identical twin is NOT necessary in my soulmate definition. While finding someone to develop a soulmate relationship might be simpler or easier if they were already a mirror image or duplicate of yourself, it is not necessary in my desired definition. What IS required is that the two individuals in the soulmate relationship have a common, almost identical, DESIRE to develop and contribute to the soulmate relationship in a relatively equally yoked manner. Searching for and finding a single existent, one-of-a-kind, exclusive in all eternity, individual may result in an incredible life experience, but the probability of success is extremely low. Meanwhile, the number of individuals that COULD become my definition of soulmates is quite high. Certainly, starting development of a soulmate relationship may be easier with individuals that already share many similar life viewpoints, I think I have observed healthy soulmate relationships between very different individuals. The key to their soulmate development was a desire to develop the soulmate relationship, NOT that they were duplicate copies of the same original being.

Some soulmate elitists may automatically discount my thesis of desired attitude and development being key. They have pre-decided that by definition soulmates should not have to make an effort to develop their relationship. That is Okay for them to define soulmate in that manner. However, for purposes of the relationship that I am trying to describe using the term soulmate, their narrow definition falls short of the relationship I am describing and desiring.

Individuals in my defined soulmate relationship (from this point forward I will use SR to represent the words soulmate relationship) understand they and their partner have a special relationship that certainly is friendly, but goes considerably beyond close friendship. They understand their relationship is uncommonly unique and of very high value to both partners. They cherish the relationship and know that most of the world’s population will never even have a concept that this type of relationship is even possible. This relationship is rarer than a diamond, and considerably worth more….even priceless. The SR is worth investing in because the returns are so high and with enough time and effort invested, the relationship, as well as your self-worth, grows geometrically.

Conversely, the loss of the SR is so devastating that it may be impossible to ever entirely recover. SR destruction is comparable to the loss of priceless artifacts, or extinction of a species. While someone MIGHT be able to develop a replacement SR, it will be very difficult and require years of work. I believe that a SR is so valuable that development of a replacement SR is something that should be attempted with high expectations. However, having a single SR in one’s lifetime is so remarkable that the possibility of two or more SR’s in a single lifetime is hard to imagine. Certainly possible, but how could one individual have the capacity to develop multiple SR’s AND the good fortune?!

While all of the discussion thus far has been marriage and gender neutral, the most natural way to develop a SR is within a solid marriage. SR’s do not require a marital relationship to develop and grow. In fact, SR’s could easily develop and grow between same gender partners or even un-married different gender partners. However, this last possibility has serious implications and challenges if the un-married partners in a SR are actually married to other people. A SR between un-married partners who are married to other people will create significant strain on the marital relationships and will incorrectly focus relationship effort on the SR at the expense of the relationship work being invested in the marriages. It is theoretically possible for a SR and two separate marriages to survive and even grow, but the likelihood of that happening is very low. It is more likely that the SR, or the marriages, or all three, will collapse under the strains of multiple focus desires. A true SR does not REQUIRE exclusivity, but the required concentration on the SR will be very difficult between individuals that are married to individuals not involved in the SR. Again, it is not impossible, just very, very difficult to make both a SR and one or more non-SR marriages thrive.

Marriage is a great place to develop a SR. In fact, it is a natural relationship to create a SR. The long-term commitment to the relationship should already be in place. While not required to develop a SR, sexual relations can greatly enhance and develop a SR. Marriage partners usually already have the time, life-style, and friendship characteristics in common with those needed to culture a SR. Marriage is also likely to be a stepping stone on the path to a developing SR, and some marriages are one of the results of a SR. In fact, the best marriages are likely caused by and are concurrent with SR’s. Sadly, most “average” marriages have very little in common with SR’s…….

However, SR’s are not dependent on a marriage contract AND many SR’s have no relationship to marriage. While less common, there is no reason that same gender SR’s can’t be formed and thrive without romance, sex, or child-rearing, etc. The key to a successful SR is the attitude of the two partners, NOT on their romantic interest or marital status. Many SR’s DO INDEED involve romance, marriage, sex, etc., but these are NOT required elements of a SR.

So, What are properties or characteristics of my ideal SR?

Soulmates DO:

• Foremost and utmost, cherish their soulmate and cherish the relationship
• Seek ways to know and understand their soulmate better
• Extend grace when their partner fails in the relationship or in life activities
• Seek redemption when the relationship has progressed negatively, for whatever reason
• Trust in their partner, deeply.
• Believe the partner is attempting to do what is right when the situation is questionable. This might be described as giving the partner the benefit of the doubt, even when the appearance of the event is questionable.
• Wants what is best for the partner, even if the decision is not preferred by yourself.
• Maintain identity of self, but willing to sacrifice self for the partner. This MUST be a two way street. Fusion of one’s self into the self of your partner is probably NOT a good idea for yourself, NOR the SR.
• Recognize that interdependence is just as important as independence.
• Invest heavily in the SR. Not exclusively, but the SR probably should be the most important relationship in an individual’s earthly relationships.
• Recognize the spiritual value and holiness of their partner’s life.
• Understand their partner’s weaknesses. As the partner attempts to strengthen weaknesses, the soulmate helps in whatever way they can, but the soulmate recognizes and accepts that the partner controls if and when life changes are made.
• Welcome and invite feedback from their soulmate. The presence of deep trust mentioned above allows soulmates to reveal their vulnerabilities to each other.
• Understand the challenges, fears, weaknesses, strengths, dreams, and past failures of their soulmate.
• Give of themselves to their soulmate without worrying about reciprocity because they know the SR will produce significantly higher return over the long term. Their relationship is not 50-50, it is 100-100.
• Recognize that there will be some dark days in the relationship. They know their soulmate is not perfect. However, it is hoped that enough trust has developed before the dark days occur that the soulmates can experience hurt, but still see the future end result as very positive for both souls.
• Have rock solid security in their SR.
• See the world through their soulmates eyes, even when their own vision sees the world differently. This is where “both…and” is critically more important than “either…or”.

Yes, my desired SR IS a significant commitment. It IS hard work. It takes many months, many years of intentional development. It IS possible. It DOES require two like minds, deciding to intentionally develop their SR. However, in my mind, the result will be worth many times the investment. Again, Synergy will produce a relationship that is much better than the two individual lives simply added together. It produces another, third individual…the Soulmate Relationship. 1+1 does indeed = 3.